Singledom has once again alighted upon both women of the freezing Inferno. The event was observed and/or celebrated accordingly tonight with respectable amounts of baking, chocolate, and girl talk. I'm talking freshly baked lava cakes people. And lots of hilarious inside-joke-quotes-for-the-quote-wall type of night. I'm the happiest I've been for a while.
Despite my overarching optimism in life, experience has bestowed upon me a sizable streak of realism when it comes to relationships. After one of the most candid talks we've had in months (how ironic), Peter and I called it quits. I can't help but feel overwhelming relief - like all the anxieties and imbalances that had latched themselves to me over the last seven months, fell away and left me whole again.
Yes, I shed a few tears. Yes, I'm definitely going to miss the better parts of our relationship. The fun times we did share really made up for the not-so-great ones, and kept me hoping that things would get better. But ultimately, we both couldn't make each other an important enough priority in the scheme of being second semester seniors - theses, opposing crew workout schedules, jobs, rehearsals, etc. Life in general left us out of step with each other. Things that we always talked about doing never happened. Times that we could have hung out together were used to catch up on much needed alone time. And frankly, with both of our post-grad departures looming on the horizon, neither of us could see the light at the end of the tunnel - a reason/sliver of hope that could have helped us continue justifying our attempted maneuvers within the difficult confines of our given situation.
There were other issues too of course, but they'll remain unmentioned.
It does make me wonder though. I know I want to be in a loving relationship with a partner one day (thanks to the awesome example of my parents)...but will there ever be someone out there that will fit in with the high-flying sights of my own individual ambitions? Will I have to match myself up with someone exactly like me? With the same type of career interests? Or someone with a career flexible enough that they can follow me across the world on my various adventures/foreign assignments? I know it's too early to be actually worried about this kind of thing, but it is interesting to think about. Funnily enough, the Peace Corps just sent me another email asking if "there were any updates in my romantic involvement?" which essentially means "are you in a relationship that could potentially compromise our investment in you as a volunteer?"
Apparently, companionship - and our human desire, or should I say craving for it - is not something to just ignore or dismiss as a luxury. It is a necessity.
And so, as I find myself once again a single lady I'm surrounding myself with my wonderful wing-women who continue to stick by my side through thick and thin. It's their energy that will power me, encourage, and motivate me through the next seven weeks of insanity until graduation. Pretty soon we'll be all scattered to the winds. My heart aches at the thought, but for now, the chocolate and girl-talk meanders freely as we cluster ourselves around the heater and laugh until our bodies hurt. Now that is love.
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