I’m plugged into some
Rodrigo y Gabriela right now, and lovin’ the rattle and burn of their sassy
beats. BUT I am sharing the only room with electricity with the other teachers
at the moment, so despite “stomping” my toes and air-banging my face, that’s
about as loud as my jammin’ will get to anyone else. If you've never listened
to them before, STOP EVERYTHING and have a listen. These guys helped me survive
the dark winter months and conversely sunny spring days spent writing my senior
thesis. How can you resist anything that makes you want to dance?
This sweeping generalization
of course includes happy dances. You know the type. The dance that you do when
you think you’re alone, with no one watching and you want to celebrate in a way
that would be otherwise publicly inappropriate (mostly because people would
realize things about you that are a little too revealing of the vanity -
otherwise lying dormant - that erupts when you just happen to think that your
life is awesome and there can’t be anyone with a more awesome life than you in
the entire world… I fondly refer to this alter ego as my inner joy-monster).
The happy dance is exclusive to sober, ecstatic moments when literally the
happiness and joy at the awesomeness of life inside you bubbles up and comes
out as spastic-jumping-fist-pumping-YES-YES-YES!! that one might call dance
moves or just… well… the happy dance! (And no, I’m not posting a video haha but
if you’re a visual learner you can find my absolute fav example here).
Anyways, if you didn't pick
up on it, life is feelin’ pretty dang good these days. I've found myself with
the urge to happy dance in my hut, during quiet moments planning lessons in our
teachers sala, walking back from the market with a huge back of fresh green
peppers, or when I’m carrying 20lbs of water home on my head and effectively
swagger my booty along like a Mozambican woman for the glee of the neighbor
ladies... BUT WHY?!
First off, after my nearly
three week trip north, I was THRILLED to get back to my lil’ hut in Mapinhane.
It’s funny but Mapinhane really is my home now. I want to
be there. I feel safe there. I feel welcome there. I have Mozambican friends
and neighbors that I care and think about and they care and think about me.
It’s gotten to the point, where I've already started sort of dreading the day I
have to go back to America. This is, of course, RIDICULOUS. I've just got a
special, somewhat neurotic, deep rooted hatred of goodbyes. I mean, c’mon, I’m
not even halfway through service yet!
But, to put a positive spin
on things as usual, it DOES show an interesting shift of identity, of a feeling
of belonging.
Part 1: The (next) Mental Shift (of many more to come…)
Part 1: The (next) Mental Shift (of many more to come…)
This shift didn't come on
its own. Like all things in life, things change with a conscious (or
subconscious) assertion or decision to push the status quo out of line. And so
looking back at the last few weeks that have felt transformational, I know it’s
because I came to a realization about how I want to better my life here.
During the weeks I traveled
around northern Mozambique, seeing fellow PCV sites and meeting PCV
counterparts and community members, I thought a lot about how the experiences
of my colleagues compared to my own thus far. And I use “compare”
very loosely here. Every Mozambican PCV site is different. But, I
realized that my colleagues who had close relationships with people in their
communities were exponentially happier than those drifting in and out between
worlds – the Mozambican vs. PCV world. Because, see, as volunteers we exist in
limbo. We often begin to feel like we “belong” in Mozambique but are constantly
reminded of our “outsider” status. This is especially because the horrors of
colonialism weren’t really that long ago and its easy for Mozambicans to see
snap judge us as just another “mulungo.” We may live just as our colleagues and
other locals do, BUT we are also always fighting preconceived notions about who
we are and who we are thought to be – in my case a white, rich, female,
American, with a green card stamped on my ring finger. It’s easy to feel
suspicious, distrustful, or worry about being taken advantage of because it can
feel sometimes like people are unabashed about being friends with you because
they want something, whether its money, clothes, food, medicine, shampoo…
ANYTHING.
Anything is up for grabs
anyways in Mozambique, no matter who
you are. In a culture that emphasizes communal living, it’s completely socially
acceptable for strangers to “estou a pedir” or ask for any thing or skill you
possess. Every possession is negotiable. This is so incredibly different from
the United States where everything has a set price, and possessions are very
clearly owned. So of course, when people DO take occasional advantage of you
(as can happen because opportunists exist EVERYWHERE in the world), then it
affirms your suspicions and justifies the wall you build with Mozambicans to
avoid future frustration. There was the guy who ran off with 800 meticais
without finishing my kitchen door. There’s the colleague who always asks me consistently
for money and medicine. There’s my counterpart who I just found out used Peace
Corps money to buy a microwave (definitely a no-no!!!). There’s the neighbor
that asks for clothes off my laundry line. There are the twenty students that
come to my hut every day asking for water without offering to go to the pump to
get me more. There’s the other students who steal the colored chalk that my mom’s
sends me to spice up their own lessons! So, over time, those little things
start adding up to make me feel like I’m getting mooched on by the whole
village.
The thing is, when the
needs become too much for high-energy PCVs to handle, we have a haven, an
outlet – and that my friends is the beautiful phenomena of venting/crying over
beer with other misunderstood PCVs. Hey, we’ve alllllllll been “that
person” at some point. ;) Integration is HARD.
The problem is, even if a
break helps you push your personal "reset" button, the minute you get
back to site, you realize that you've only avoided a problem rather than
working toward resolution. And being a social and people-loving human being, I
worry A LOT about my relationships with people and my community’s perception of
who I am. If a conflict I've had with someone remains unresolved, I can’t stop
thinking about it because of the consequences it could have with other
relationships I want and need with other people at work and in the village.
After all, it IS a village! Everyone knows EVERYONE. Often times these
conflicts originate from miscommunications... literally, when I haven’t
understood someone’s Portuguese or they haven’t understood mine. That
type of awkwardness is easily resolved if you’re willing somewhat embarrassedly
to ask someone to rehash an entire conversation with you or ask for
clarification. But, it’s not always that straightforward.
During this trip, I
realized I was worrying a lot – pretty much ALL the time – and working through
each possibility for miscommunication (verbal and body language) with each
interaction I was having. The psychological weight/energy I spent doing this
was unbelievable. My brain had become a computer to calculate the odds of each
scenario as it played out and then re-evaluated afterwards to see if I had
faulted. Think Super Bowl instant replays – in my BRAIN – to
navigate social etiquette in a country with incredibly different cultural
norms. After living in Mapinhane for nine months, people generally
expect me to have figured everything out already. Because this is very
obviously not the case, this expectation caused (and still causes) me to
avoid situations that I am clueless about or with people I don't already know
well. A primary example?? Negotiating mix-gendered friendships in a Mozambican
cultural context. Even simple things as being invited by my male colleagues to
hangout, drink, and watch movies, I time after time deflected and flat-out
rejected all propositions. This may seem rude on my part, but considering that
I get slathered with compliments, flirting, and come-ons daily at work
from all of them, I was seriously suspicious about
intent. Sure, I “trusted” my colleagues to look out for me, but I
was also of the mentality of avoiding all problems before they even became
problems. I think you can see where this is going. I’m not an uptight person,
but I was so afraid of sending the wrong message or misunderstanding intent
that I stiff armed every male colleague that tried to get to know me outside
work. I was – how do they call it? – “keeping it professional.”
The tragic part of this is
that, as I've realized now, this very uncharacteristic obsessive apprehension
and conservatism has not only drained my overall energy level because I was
avoiding people that I liked, but it's also needlessly caused me to miss out on
a lot of the fun I could have been having. So while I have wonderful
friendships with my neighbor lady friends and fellow female professors, I’m
pretty sure every GUY at school besides Chefe Samuel thought I was THE MOST
BORING PERSON ON EARTH. Can’t say I blame them.
And so, back to my
decision. The turning point came when I got back from traveling and started the
third trimester of the year. I realized that because I really do love my life
in Mapinhane, it was time to stop being overly cautious and building
walls/drawing lines with people. That phase is done. My point was made. It’s
time to evolve. I realized I don’t want to leave Mozambique with “half”
friendships, knowing the people I work with everyday only superficially. No
way.
So, the Friday of that same
week, I approached Adercio and Ernesto at the market and announced that I
thought we should hangout the next evening. They thought I was joking. No
seriously. I nearly got stood up the next night haha (*insert cricket
chirps*). To make a long story short, I hung out that night with
Adercio, Etivaldo, and Chefe Samuel in town until 2am. AND we had SUPER FUN.
They discovered that I, as an America woman, have A LOT of opinions. That’s no
surprise to y’all back home (haha!), but my male Mozambican colleagues were
THRILLED. They wanted to know my ideas about everything, and we thus shared
some good heart-to-heart talks about life, politics, love, the future… the
usual conversations incoming freshman at college stay up till 3am hashing and
rehashing, enthralled by the new horizon of ideas and possibilities. We
definitely felt a similar giddiness that night, bonding over Manicas, bad
baraca music, and the exchange of world views.
And sure, clearly being an American (esp. woman) in Mozambique is STILL super awkward sometimes. But I’ve decided, WHO CARES. The end. ;)
And sure, clearly being an American (esp. woman) in Mozambique is STILL super awkward sometimes. But I’ve decided, WHO CARES. The end. ;)
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| Chefe Samuel, Adercio, me and Etivaldo :) |
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| Chefe Samuel is the best!!! He really looks out for me :) |
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| Etivaldo tried to teach me how to open a beer with another beer. Obviously there are some parts of my life education that are still lacking lol ;) |
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| Cheers y'all!! |
Part 2: Secondary Projects - The trickle becomes a flood!
In addition to this
dismantling of mental blockades and my general fear of social suicide, a lot of
my projects have finally started to yield some progress and results! So, of
course that’s good news! Community development is what I’m here for after all,
not just cultural exchange!
“Levanta nossas meninas” – Girls Sports Bra Campaign
Perhaps my favorite project
thus far is my “Levanta nossas meninas” or “Raise our girls” sports bra
campaign. Teaming up with Lisa Ballou and the Kitsap Tri Babes, we organized a
sports bra donation drive to support the Mapinhane girls basketball team that
I’m coaching. I went to Vilankulos yesterday to check the post-office and found
this HUGE box waiting for me, with 20lbs of sports bras inside!!!!
 |
| That's some MEGA BOUNCE-PROTECTION in there!!! :D |
There's enough bras in that
box to cover at least two or three girls teams, so I'm trying to reorganize our
local girls soccer teams as well to make sure the bras all have good homes to
go to.
For those pondering the sustainability question, I've been trying to brainstorm ways of making this sports bra drive more than a one-time thing. This first round of donations is incredibly impressive because it will jump start girls athletics in my host-community. However, what happens when the donated bras wear out? Or, what if even more girls want to get involved in playing sports? This needs a long-term strategy. I want to make this bra "drive" a bra "campaign"! At the moment, I'm thinking about trying to find a few local modistas, or tailors, and presenting sports bras production as a means of growing their businesses locally. If we had a local supplier, not only would it help local women-led business but would give our female athletes in the area an easily accessible resource. I don't know how feasible it is to find the right type of fabric needed for a supportive sports bra, but I do know that good elastic is available, so that's a start. I figure every option is worth looking into!
Centro de Leitura – Literacy Center (aka, the USAID Community Library project)
After attending the Early Grade Reading
Assessment (EGRA) training in Nampula last month, all 19 PCVS and our 19
Mozambican counterparts left feeling revved up and excited about the
implementation of a sweeping literacy initiative throughout Mozambique. Implementing
this initiative and undergoing the necessary training wasn’t without problems
of course.
To sum it up briefly, I feel we encountered as
PCVs a textbook case of a big governmental organization throwing money and
resources to jumpstart a campaign but then failing to maintain open lines of
communication with local sources on the ground to make sure the original
ideas/intent were realistic and implementable. Everything we were told to do
during the conference – from the standard research methodology of evaluating
baseline literacy rates to strategies regarding volunteer retention – had us
relying on resources that weren’t obtainable or sustainable in our communities.
Essentially, USAID had expectations for PCVs in our ground-breaking
partnership, yet they didn’t bother taking the time to talk to us volunteers to
negotiate realistic logistics about our roles in implementing their research
and making the literacy program the most efficient and effective as possible.
This lack of clarity led to such skepticism-lined PCV questions as, “Excuse me
USAID, I live six hours by chapa from the nearest city, and you want me to not
only pay for transport but to also pay for 100 ten page research questionnaires
that are 5-10 meticais a page? That’s 1000 pages, costing between 5000-10,000
meticais (more than our monthly salary of 7,000 meticais, just for surveys)…how
exactly are you expecting us to do that USAID?”
So yes. Least to say PCVs and
Mozambican counterparts alike felt incredibly frustrated by the lack of
leadership overall during a conference in which we were supposed to learn the
game plan for an exciting, cutting-edge USAID-Peace Corps partnership. Peace
Corps staff seemed to be figuring things out on the fly and USAID seemed to be
completely disinterested and disconnected from the very pilot program it
espoused months before (especially because USAID only sent a representative the
first day, and he didn’t even present USAID’s objectives for the EGRA
program…). That left us PCVs feeling incredibly disappointed and floundering
somewhat with the lack of direction.
But then things turned around.
Us PCVs held a self-intervention and decided to take ownership in this program,
and no longer worry about USAID rules or procedures. If USAID couldn’t show up
to answer our questions, we would just run the show our way with the excellent
help of our co-partner Livro Aberto (who’s representative was not only there
the WHOLE conference, but was knowledgeable, helpful, and proved to be an
incredibly dynamic mediator). Because of our collective decision and awesome
teamwork, we pulled this looming disaster around, stripped away the
frustration, and made the last day and a half the most productive, positive,
and energizing conference days of the entire WEEK.
As such, we’re all jumping
right into our community library projects and literacy programs at our sites
with few complications.
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| A first peek at the room we're going to transform into the community library!!! SO EXCITING. |
So, as always there's some
good news and some bad news. The good news? JAM's feeding program termination
date for the Primary School has been extended to November. The bad news? Our
director just went on his month-long vacation and is refusing to deal with any
of this or schedule any meeting with JAM until he gets back in October. That
means we'll have less than a month to talk about transition logistics, which is
frankly just not enough time to do anything. So that's frustrating. But as much
as I wish I could just freakin' call up JAM myself, that'd be a very American
thing to do. I gotta play by Mozambican rules. Given the strong
"chefe" complexes and adherence/reverence of titles and authority, it
would be considered considerably rude, and out of line for me to go around the
school director and take charge (what Americans would conversely call
"showing initiative"). So. Instead of burning a mega bridge, I have
to sit on my hands and wait. Thankfully I have lots of other things to
keep me occupied!!
To wrap it all up…
I've been doing some serious bonding with my inner-joy monster ;)
I've been doing some serious bonding with my inner-joy monster ;)
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